Uncanny: Holiday Design Don't #1

Since the first day of fall - September 22 - I have felt justified in beginning my holiday planning. To start this planning of right, I of course had to check out all the upcoming holiday merchandise online. Some retailers had not yet embraced Christmas in September much to my dismay, but Halloween filled a few gaps until my Oct. 1 Christmas paraphernalia buying deadline was lifted. After all, this year I have an entire HOUSE to decorate. Including the outside! Well... assuming our HOA will approve any of our decorations. I'm about to war with them about some stupid rules that never actually appear to be enforced except against us, so we'll see what happens.

Regardless, I'm almost trembling with excitement and anticipation of all the Christmas glory that will transcend upon my house. Assuming the dogs don't eat it first... I'm working on solutions to that though. Including boarding them for the entire month of December... I kid... kind of. Once they're sufficiently gated out of festive areas all I need is a new Christmas tree for the living room, some (pine) garland and lights for the railing and I'm ready to go. And the props for my North Pole Scene that is going to be outrageously decorated for the delight of my next door neighbors just in case they're the ones who reported our two 5-inch tall, solar powered mini walkway lights to the HOA. See, they can't tell us how to decorate the backyard... only prevent us from letting our dogs go out there unleashed. I'm guessing there will be an amendment added after my Christmas scene is set up. Nothing like a 5-foot tall inflatable reindeer to bring about good neighborly cheer.

In the midst of my holiday scheming, I came across these little guys on the Pottery Barn website and all I could was shake my head and try not to burst out in hysterical laughter.


You see, these cute little Woodland Creature Candles draw an amazing resemblance to the Woodland Critters in South Park's infamous Woodland Critter Christmas episode. If you have seen this episode - which I cannot recommend to anyone who actually likes Christmas unless their festive affairs were ruined by something, then it's perfect! - you understand why cute little woodland creatures cannot under any circumstances be brought into your home's holiday fold. After all, they are evil. Very evil. So quintessentially evil that Santa has to blow their brains out. (Seriously.)

Stan stunned by what the creatures are telling him.

So, Pottery Barn, maybe you should take time to actually look at the world around you. It might improve your sales efforts. Unless your goal was to make these little guys in hope of South Park fanatics buying them by the truck load and thinking of different ways to obliterate them graphically at Festivus parties throughout America. Because that's all that is going to be achieved unless someone unknowingly purchases them and invites a South Park fan over. That could get messy.